


The Potter and the Pilgrim

by pastpassages



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: M/M, Not so much a specific AU as a vaguely low-fantasy setting where idols aren't a thing, Rated T for some swearing and of course the tragic things but nothing is very graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21575908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastpassages/pseuds/pastpassages
Summary: “CHORUS: And the grace of the gods (I’m pretty sure) is a grace that comes by violence.”— Aeschylus, Agamemnon (tr. Anne Carson)
Relationships: Kotobuki Reiji/Kurosaki Ranmaru
Kudos: 13
Collections: Uta No Prince Sama FlashBang 2019





	The Potter and the Pilgrim

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Utapri Flashbang 2019! I worked with Izana (Twitter @misumikaruga), who provided the lovely artwork for the piece! Art can be found [here](https://twitter.com/misumikaruga/status/1199791210413641728)
> 
> Also a note for American followers: When I use pilgrim in the fic I mean it in the general sense of someone on a religious journey, not specifically _the_ pilgrims.

Ranmaru found the man passed out on the road to his house. He frowned. He had things to do, but he couldn't just leave a man who had collapsed...

He gently kicked the man in the stomach; no response. He stared, then turned around to look at the other people on the road. Anyone he made eye contact with quickly looked away. Ranmaru scoffed. Looked like he wasn’t going to get any help, as usual. A groan made him turn back to the man, who was beginning to move. Ranmaru crouched next to him and poked the man. 

"Hey. Wake up." 

The man's eyes slowly opened, and he blinked up at Ranmaru. Weakly, he tried to push himself up but fell back down. Ranmaru reached to support the man, worried despite his best efforts.

"Hey, what's wrong with you? Are you sick?"

The man shook his head. "Walked too much to be sick." He croaked out. 

"You walked here? Where from?" 

The man shrugged. "Far."

Ranmaru frowned. He sure was helpful… “Why’d you walk so far? It’s not like you’re a pilgrim or anything.”

The man smiled. "Bingo."

Ranmaru stared at the man in shock, then sighed. He'd run into pilgrims before. They were either the most sanctimonious bastards in the room or only there for a party. Ranmaru didn't know which one this guy was, but he knew he didn't want to deal with him. 

Ranmaru looked down the road. He really had things to do…

The man saw his look and waved. "Don't mind me, I can manage myself. You do what you need to." 

Ranmaru watched as the man, though shaky, hoisted himself to a sitting position. He stayed there, even when Ranmaru pulled away. Ranmaru shrugged.

"Suit yourself." He waved over his shoulder, resisting the urge to look back.

***

The man was still there when he was back from his errands. He looked like he hadn't moved. Ranmaru knew it would probably be better for him in the long run to ignore him, but…

"Hey." The man looked up blankly, then smiled in recognition. "You look like death warmed over. What happened?"

The man shrugged. "Walked a long way. Didn't have much to eat. Guess it caught up with me." 

Ranmaru sighed heavily, looking at the sun setting on the horizon, then back to the man. He held out a hand. The man looked at it quizzically.

"Come on. I'll get you some food."

The man beamed and carefully lifted himself up with Ranmaru's arm. 

The two walked slowly, Ranmaru letting the man set the pace. 

"Reiji."

"What?" Ranmaru grunted.

"My name," the man said. "It's Reiji."

"Oh." Ranmaru paused. "Ranmaru."

"Nice to meet you Ran-Ran!"

Ranmaru grimaced. What was he getting himself into?

Once at the house, Ranmaru sat Reiji down at the kitchen table, then gathered some rice and vegetables-he didn't have anything fancier. He set his place and Reiji's, and watched as Reiji carefully ate. 

"I'm surprised you don't eat quicker, if you were that starving," Ranmaru said.

Reiji laughed hesitantly. "I've had a bad experience with it...nothing like accepting food and then vomiting it back up when you eat too quickly."

"So you've gotten to this point before."

Reiji nodded, still chewing but making sure not to talk with his mouth full. (Ranmaru could say that in his favor.) "I've been traveling for a long time."

Ranmaru grunted and focused on his food. He wasn't particularly interested in Reiji's story. Reiji took the hint, finishing off his meal. Once he did, Reiji stood carefully. 

"Thank you for your help, Ranmaru. Right now I don't have anything to give in return but my thanks, and getting out of your way as quickly as possible." Reiji inclined his head as he said this.

"Huh? Getting out of my way? You're staying the night."

Reiji's head shot up in surprise. "Oh! Oh, uh, if that's what you would like…" He looked around nervously. "Is there, um, anything I should do? To prepare?" 

Ranmaru stared incredulously. Why was he so nervous? Reiji had a little blush, and was twisting his fingers together. There was no reason to act like that, Ranmaru had just asked him to stay with him for the evening...oh.

_Oh._

It was Ranmaru's turn to blush. "No! No, oh gods, that's not what I meant." Reiji relaxed a little but still looked tense. "No, I meant you’re tired and shouldn’t sleep on the road, and it’s unlikely you could afford the inn tonight..." Ranmaru rubbed the back of his head, his own nervous habit. "Look, I'll put out a mat for you, it's not much but it's better than the ground."

Reiji relaxed visibly, looking grateful. "Thank you, Ranmaru. It means a lot."

Ranmaru looked away. "It's nothing," he mumbled. "Let me get you that mat."

***

Reiji was gone before Ranmaru woke the next morning. Ranmaru wasn’t surprised-Reiji had seemed pretty anxious to leave the night before. He set himself to the day’s work as normal, not thinking much of it.

In fact, he didn’t think of Reiji again until he saw him that afternoon. Ranmaru had managed to get his work done early, and stopped into the inn as a small reward. There, he spotted Reiji running around the tables, serving food and drinks and conversing with patrons amicably. Ignoring Reiji for the moment in favor of food, he went to the bar, ordered, and sat waiting. It wasn’t long before his food arrived, and with it, Reiji. 

“Here’s your order~! How are you today-oh! Ran-Ran, hi!” 

Ranmaru grumbled a “Hi” back but shifted his focus to his food. Reiji opened his mouth to continue, but was called away by the matron to attend to more customers-it was the evening rush. Ranmaru settled into his food, savoring the taste after a day’s work. 

He had finished his food and moved to enjoying his drink when Reiji slipped into the seat beside him again, his own plate in hand. “Phew! Things have finally calmed down. I tried to ask earlier, how are you Ran-Ran?”

Ranmaru grumbled noncommittally. “Fine.”

Reiji took Ranmaru’s response as an excuse to continue talking and rambled about his day-the people he had met in the inn, the kindness of the matron for letting him help out for the day and giving him a bed for the night. Ranmaru listened, slightly annoyed but curious despite his good sense telling him not to be. Finally, Reiji seemed to run out of words and focused on his dinner.

“So is this what you do?”

Reiji looked confused. “Is what what I do?”

Ranmaru gestured vaguely. “Helping out, bartering work for food and a place to sleep.” 

“Oh! Yeah, pretty much! Doing what good I can for people.”

Ranmaru sipped his wine. “Pilgrims usually have money, or beg.”

Reiji smiled cynically. “My patron doesn’t look very fondly on either.”

Ranmaru hummed thoughtfully, then laughed to himself. “Maybe you should do something for me, for that food and bed I gave you last night.”

Reiji brightened a little. “Sure! What help do you need?”

Ranmaru stared at Reiji, surprised. “...I don’t. I was joking.”

Reiji cocked his head. “Are you sure? I’ve picked up a lot over the years traveling. I’m sure there’s something I can do for you.”

Ranmaru looked away, into his glass. “Really. I don’t need any help. I’m fine on my own.”

“Okay. If you think of anything, just let me know!”

“I won’t. I don’t need help.”

Reiji shrugged, getting up. “Whatever you say. I have to get back to work, see you Ran-Ran!”

Ranmaru grumbled to himself. Half of him hoped Reiji wouldn’t take him up on the offer to help. He didn’t know what the other half was thinking...

***

Over the next few weeks he saw Reiji around town multiple times, though he tried to avoid Reiji’s gaze and waves when he could. The offer of help stuck in his mind, and he didn’t want to give Reiji another opportunity to offer it. 

On his way home Ranmaru’s mind started to wander, considering Reiji and his mysterious need to help other people, when he saw him out of the corner of his eye. Ranmaru began to turn away, take an alternate way home to avoid Reiji, when he overheard the conversation. 

“Payment? Why would you need that?”

“Ah, it’s just, and maybe I was mistaken, but I thought that was our deal, that I would help you out and you’d give me something...even just table scraps would be fine…”

Ranmaru paused. It sounded like Reiji was in a pinch. He should turn away, it was Camus he was talking to, after all, and Ranmaru didn’t want to cross him. But at the same time…

“Your _payment_ is the reward of a good deed being done. Now leave, I have other things to attend to.”

“Uh...”

“Don’t make me ask again.”

“O-oh. Understood.” 

Ranmaru watched as Reiji dejectedly walked past, apparently lost in his head. Ranmaru looked back at Camus; he had already gone back to his accounting books. Good; he didn’t want to be seen helping someone Camus had turned away. Somehow his icy nature translated into a hot temper. Ranmaru looked back in Reiji’s direction just in time to see him turn a corner. Even better, they’d be out of sight. 

Ranmaru jogged up to meet Reiji, slowing to a walk alongside him. “Hey,” he said.

Reiji kept walking. 

Ranmaru tapped him on the shoulder, and Reiji startled, his shock falling away when he realized it was Ranmaru. “Oh, Ran-Ran, hi! Didn’t see you there, haha…”

Ranmaru frowned. “Be more careful, someone could hurt you when you’re lost to the world like that.”

Reiji laughed nervously.

“I saw what happened back there,” Ranmaru said, pointing over his shoulder.

“Oh…” Reiji looked embarrassed. “Yeah, that happens sometimes. I can manage though, I’ll find something else to...what are you doing?”

Ranmaru had begun rummaging in his bag, and held out some snacks. “Here, I have some left over from my lunch. It’s not much but it’s something.” 

Reiji stared at him, stunned. “Are you sure?”

Ranmaru shrugged, looking away. “Won’t hurt me.”

When he felt Reiji take the food, he looked back to see Reiji place a piece in his pocket and begin eagerly scarfing down the rest. Ranmaru frowned. “Something wrong with that one?”

Reiji shook his head, mouth full. “That’s for my offering. I have to give Ai some of everything I receive.”

“Ai?”

“My patron.”

“Huh,” Ranmaru said. “Even when you’re starving, you give to him. You’re really devoted, aren’t you?” 

Reiji's chewing slowed and he got a far-off look in his eyes. “I have to be.” He didn’t say anything else.

Ranmaru decided not to push it-everyone had their secrets. “Anyway,” Ranmaru said. “Don’t beat yourself up about Camus, he’s always like that. Thinks just because he governs the town means he doesn’t owe anybody anything.”

Reiji smiled. “It’s fine, I mean, we never technically agreed to anything, so he was within his rights…”

Ranmaru looked at Reiji, unimpressed. “Sure. Doesn’t mean it’s not rude. I’d be careful though, he has a temper.” 

Reiji laughed. “Yeah, I could tell.”

Ranmaru shrugged his bag back onto his shoulder. “Do you have a place to stay tonight?”

Reiji looked sheepish. “Ah. Not yet, I had been thinking I might get something from him…” 

Ranmaru sighed and began walking. “Alright, come by my place. I’ll put out a mat again.”

Reiji’s eyes shined. “Really? Thank you, Ran-Ran!” He jogged to catch up with Ranmaru. “You’re really a kind person, you know that?”

Ranmaru scoffed. “You wish.”

***

Ranmaru sat in his market stall, idly fanning himself to relieve some of the heat. He wished he could go home, but he needed to sell at least a few more pieces to be able to afford food. He watched as the people at the market moved between stalls, haggling and struggling to carry their purchases in their arms and baskets. 

“Oops, let me get that for you! Don’t want to lose those berries do we?”

Ranmaru grimaced at the loud, cheerful voice. Of course Reiji was here, over-extending for the people around him. Ranmaru scanned the crowd and soon picked out Reiji’s brown hair, straightening up after retrieving what must have been a nearly dropped basket. The old woman he was talking with cooed over him, thanking him for saving her groceries.

“No problem!” Reiji said. “You know, my friend here makes some great pots, they’d be perfect for holding these…”

Oh gods, Reiji was taking her over to Ranmaru’s stall. Ranmaru quickly straightened himself, doing his best to put on a pleasant, or at least less gruff voice. Reiji didn’t stop talking on the way over. 

“He does really good work, even if he looks a bit off-putting, you really wouldn’t go wrong buying something from him…”

“Can I help you?” Ranmaru said as the pair approached him. 

The woman told him what she was looking for and he pointed out a few possibilities-she quickly settled on a simple pot. Reiji watched, and once the money was exchanged helped her put the food inside, then waved happily as she tottered off home. 

Reiji, without asking, plopped down next to Ranmaru on the blanket. Ranmaru refused to look at him, but knew he was grinning, he could feel it. 

“Didn’t need your help,” Ranmaru grumbled.

“Ran-Ran, is that any way to thank me? You made a sale!” Ranmaru frowned, finally looking over to Reiji. He indeed had a grin on his face, but it seemed strained. His eyes were a bit dull, and he was sweating, too. How long had he been out in this heat?

“Did you eat anything today?” Ranmaru asked.

Reiji startled a little and looked away sheepishly. “Ah, not yet. Haven’t gotten anything for today.” 

Ranmaru grunted and pulled out his lunch. It was simple rice, but Reiji wouldn’t mind, especially on an empty stomach. He’d been through enough himself not to be picky.

“Here,” Ranmaru said, holding out a large piece. “For getting me a sale.”

Reiji’s eyes brightened, and he took the food gratefully. When he made to break a piece off, Ranmaru frowned.

“Hey, don’t even think about saving some of it for your sacrifice, you need the energy.” 

Reiji pouted. “But Ran-Ran, he’ll get angry if I don’t give him something.”

Ranmaru scoffed. “Let him be, it’s not like he does anything good when he’s happy.”

“That’s not true! He’s saved me from starving tons of times!”

“You mean people saved you from starving, when they gave you food like I did. And besides, if he cared about all the devotion you give him he wouldn’t have let you get close to starving, would he?”

Reiji stared out at the market silently. “It’s just the way the gods are, Ran-Ran. They’re not like humans, they don’t think about our needs unless we ask them to.”

Ranmaru frowned and looked away, back at the people moving through the market. Reiji and his unshakeable faith in the gods could be annoying, and Ranmaru couldn't afford to be too frustrated when he was trying to sell his work-no one reacted well to a grumpy face. 

After a few minutes of silence, Reiji stood, dusting himself off and waving at Ranmaru as he walked off. Ranmaru watched him go, not bothering to wave back. 

***

He didn’t see Reiji for a while, maybe a week or more.

Ranmaru had gotten used to Reiji’s face, he realized. Reiji was almost never in the same place twice, but his smile was the same, and his cheery greeting when he saw Ranmaru. But he hadn’t seen it in a while.

Had his comment last time gone too far? Reiji did always seem cagey when it came to his worship.

Ranmaru shook his head, deliberately breaking himself out of his thoughts. He focused on his potter’s wheel, ignoring the groaning in his stomach and the ache in his eyes in addition to his thoughts. Occasionally he would stare at the setting sun, counting the minutes he had until he lost his light. Smaller pieces, he thought. Lots of smaller sales would add up more than hoping for a big spender to come by. With all the money Camus demanded from them all, people had less and less to throw around. Ranmaru studiously avoided the larger, more ornate pieces he had littering his work area, made when he had more money and material to spend. Now he had to focus on what would sell and only that. He made another bowl. 

“Huh? Ran-Ran, you’re still working?”

Ranmaru was jolted from his thoughts by Reiji’s voice. He frowned at the brown-haired man standing on the other side of his fence, then looked back at his work, softly grunting in affirmation.

“Do you need any help?”

Ranmaru was silent, considering. He continued working. Finally, he stopped and looked back at Reiji, waiting patiently at the fence. 

“Yeah. Some help would be great.” He let Reiji in, had him moving pieces out of the way as he finished them and placed them in the kiln. Ranmaru almost hated to admit it, but Reiji was good at helping. He took to the tasks Ranmaru assigned him quickly, and Ranmaru managed to get more done than he would have without Reiji. When the sun was set and there wasn’t anything else to do, Ranmaru invited Reiji in. 

The two of them sat together in Ranmaru’s kitchen, enjoying what food Ranmaru was able to set out. 

“That’s a beautiful vase,” Reiji said. Ranmaru looked at where Reiji pointed, confused. He had noticed a vase from early in Ranmaru’s career, one of the first things he’d made. The rest he’d had to sell to get by, but he was able to keep one of them as a memento. 

“Oh,” Ranmaru said. “That. I’ve done better since.”

“It’s still beautiful,” Reiji said.

Ranmaru nodded awkwardly. Silence overtook them for a few minutes.

“Sorry I haven’t been around much,” Reiji said. “I seem to be getting on Camus’ bad side and people are more reluctant to offer work now.”

Ranmaru nodded. “They would be. Camus is vindictive at the best of times.” He moved his food around on his plate, trying to ignore his relief at seeing Reiji and talking to him again. At least it seemed like Reiji wasn’t holding anything against him. He looked up to check on Reiji, and saw him looking down, nervously fiddling with his clothes and food. Ranmaru frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Reiji jerked his head up. “Ah, it’s nothing! Well, nothing wrong at least…” he trailed off, looking down. “It’s just...I had something I wanted to say to you.”

Ranmaru’s mind began to race, though he didn’t show it outwardly. Was it something he said? He liked Reiji ( _oh god he admitted it he liked him this was the worst time for that_ ), but he wasn’t exactly great at showing it. What if Reiji had come by to tell him he never wanted to talk with him again, like the last person Ranmaru tried to get close to? Reiji was acting like he liked Ranmaru, but what if it was just that, an act? He was friendly with everyone he met, maybe he was just pretending to be nice to Ranmaru-

“Um…” Ranmaru’s thoughts were broken by Reiji’s voice. His attention returned to Reiji, who was taking a deep breath. He waited for Reiji to speak.

“I like you.” Reiji said. “I love you, really. You’ve been so kind to me since I’ve gotten here, and I haven’t had that in a while, and, well...it’s getting to the time I usually move on, but this time I don’t want to. I want to stay, if…” Reiji looked into Ranmaru’s eyes. “If you’ll have me.”

Ranmaru sat stunned for a few moments. He came to himself as Reiji opened his mouth, his face looking like he regretted saying anything. He was going to brush it off, shit, Ranmaru didn’t want that-

“Me too!” Ranmaru blurted out. Reiji’s eyes widened. “I mean-I also. Like you, love you, however you want to say it. You’re,” Ranmaru grimaced. “You’re kind of an idiot, if you keep doing so much for other people you’re going to get yourself killed one day, but...you’re also warm and beautiful, and...I love you.” Ranmaru said the last part to the table, doing his best to hide in his hair. A blush was spreading over his cheeks. 

He felt Reiji’s hand on his chin, and allowed Reiji to lift his head so they were facing each other again. Reiji had tears in his eyes. Tenderly, Reiji leaned forward and kissed Ranmaru. Ranmaru returned the kiss, allowed Reiji to pull away, tears in his own eyes. 

“Stay with me,” Ranmaru said.

“Always,” said Reiji.

***

Reiji moved in that night.

It was easy, since Reiji had basically no worldly possessions; all it took for him to move in was to decide to stay in one place. Ranmaru was looking to fix that-he talked to an older woman he knew and bartered a new set of clothes for Reiji, used some leftover clay to make a set of cups for them both. 

Reiji, on his own, set up a small altar in the house. Every night before bed he prayed at it, every morning after he got up. Ranmaru watched him, partly to appreciate his lover in a peaceful mood, partly out of curiosity. That curiosity got the better of him one morning as Reiji finished his prayers.

“So,” Ranmaru said. “this pilgrimage you’re on, what’s it about?”

Reiji looked down at the floor sadly, still kneeling in front of the altar. “Well, it’s complicated, I don’t know that you want to hear the whole long story…”

Ranmaru kneeled beside Reiji, took his hand. “Tell me.”

Reiji looked up at him, teary and surprised. Then he smiled distantly, looked down at their hands and squeezed gently. “It happened a long time ago…” he began.

“I had a dear friend. Aine. We were about as close as anyone could be. Both of us loved performing, even if our parents weren’t happy about it. We’d perform on the street, with whatever we could find. Music, comedy skits, anything. We were…” he took a shaky breath. “We were going to run away together, find someplace that would let us perform like we wanted. But then…” Reiji trailed off. Ranmaru wasn’t sure if he wanted contact, began to pull his hand away, but Reiji grabbed his hand back, his own shaking wildly. Ranmaru put his hands over Reiji’s. Reiji took another breath. “I failed him.” he whispered. 

Ranmaru stroked a thumb over Reiji’s hand, waiting patiently. Reiji would get to things in his time.

Reiji squeezed Ranmaru’s hands, silent for a long time and holding back tears. “The night we were supposed to run away, I was making sure my family wouldn’t notice me leaving...I was overly cautious. I got to our meeting place late. He had been there, his bag was there with all his clothes in it. But there was also…” Reiji paused, his voice drifting to a whisper. “Blood. So much blood. We agreed to meet in the mountains outside our town, thinking that people wouldn’t see us there, but...there are lots of beings in the mountains. I don’t know what got to Aine that night, but I knew...I knew I wouldn’t be able to face my family, or his, after that. I got him killed.” Tears were streaming from Reiji’s eyes by this point. He roughly wiped at his eyes and took a breath. “I just. Took his things, and I left. Alone.

“I hadn’t paid much attention to the gods before then...I didn’t think much of them, I was young. But when I got to the next town I went to a temple. I wanted to leave an offering for Aine’s spirit...and then I saw Ai. I had seen him before of course, joked with Aine about how similar they looked, but...when I saw him then I was speechless. He spoke to me, told me that I had to make Aine’s death right. I vowed to them both that day that I wouldn’t fail anyone again, that I would atone for how I failed him by helping everyone I could.” 

Ranmaru stroked Reiji’s hand, then pulled him to his chest. “It’s not your fault,” he said. He felt Reiji sob against him. “It’s not your fault, it’s no one’s fault. It was a horrible accident.” Reiji clutched at his chest. “Let it out, I’m here for you.”

Reiji cried for a long while. Ranmaru held him the whole time, stroking his back and comforting him as best he could, knowing Reiji’s pain was too deep to be remedied so simply but hoping that his being there helped at least a little. 

After a while, the two moved to the bed and curled together, seeking each other. Ranmaru had work, he knew. But work could wait. He had Reiji to think about.

***

They were happy together, for a time. Neither one had much money, Ranmaru rarely made sales now and Reiji wasn’t able to get much work, but they were together.

***

Reiji saw the beating on his way back from buying the ingredients for dinner. He stopped, shocked at the cries of pain coming from the man on the ground, at the cruelty Camus exhibited so coldly. He wormed his way into the crowd.

“What did he do?” Reiji asked another person.

They shook their head. “Don’t know. One minute the two were talking, the next Camus had his cane out.” 

Reiji looked back at the horrible scene in front of him, and thought of what he could do.

Reiji knew this was a dumb idea.

Camus had already beaten the man severely, Reiji _knew_ he would only be getting himself into trouble by helping him. He had to get back to Ranmaru for dinner. But.

_But_. 

When the beating subsided, he snuck forward from the crowd, attempting to evade Camus’ attention. Softly, he kneeled next to the man, whispered to him that he would take him to get medicine. The man stared at him, disbelieving. Reiji looked over-Camus was still distracted by his pompous speech, something about respect due. He put the man’s arm around his shoulder and began trying to lift him, pull him away through the crowd. 

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!”

_Shit_. 

Reiji turned around with a grin on his face. “Well, I just thought I’d take care of him for you-” he began to say. He was interrupted by a blow to the head.

***

By the time Ranmaru heard about it, made it to the square, it was over. 

Reiji’s body lay limp in the street, given a wide berth by the people milling around. Ranmaru barely felt himself run forward to hold him, tears in his eyes. Reiji was already cold, so cold, and Ranmaru already missed the warmth Reiji brought because his insides were cold now just like Reiji’s body. He looked at the people around him as he hugged Reiji’s body to himself, the people around him avoiding his gaze. It took far too long for authorities to arrive, and when they did they brusquely pulled Ranmaru away from the body. Any attempt to get back to Reiji was denied. Resigned, Ranmaru began the long trek back to their home.

***

Despair. 

That was what filled Ranmaru in the days after Reiji’s death. When the body was released (his death ruled an accident, the bastards), he has it cremated, placed in the vase Reiji had pointed out the night they confessed. He knew it might be macabre to keep them with him but he needed some piece of Reiji, something to remind him of the man other than memories. With the way people acted, almost pretending they didn’t know him, it was all he felt he could do.

He slept restlessly, tossing and turning and never quite getting a full night’s sleep. Many times he woke up and stared at his ceiling, lost in memories and not sure if he wanted to cry again to let out his feelings or hold it in and just try to make it through. 

It figured, he thought, that the one time he had finally found something genuinely good, genuinely kind in the world, someone he loved...that it would be taken away. Any faith Reiji had started to instill in him was gone, just like Reiji. 

One night as he made dinner his eyes chanced on Reiji's altar. There wasn't much to it, a rudimentary carving of Ai and a few offerings. Ranmaru hadn’t gotten around to taking it down for the same reason he saved Reiji's ashes; he needed some reminder that Reiji had actually been there. Even so, he had avoided it, attempting to stem the bad memories. 

But this time his gaze lingered. Slowly, an idea was coming to him. A desperate, stupid idea, but an idea nonetheless.

On autopilot, Ranmaru walked to the shrine, kneeled down in front of it. He placed a small portion of his dinner on it, then closed his eyes. And for the first time in decades, he prayed. 

He thought of Reiji and all the good he put into the world, the joy he brought to Ranmaru in the short time he knew him. He wished others could see that, the way Ranmaru did. He thought of all the hardship Reiji had gone through, and wished that things would be better for him in death than they were in life. When he had exhausted his thoughts, he opened his eyes.

And saw a man in his kitchen. 

Ranmaru stumbled back, fumbling for a knife, hopefully, but really anything to protect himself-how did the man get in here? What was he going to do? 

“Be still,” the man said. 

Ranmaru stopped moving. He didn’t want to, his mind was moving a mile a minute, but his body did as the man said. No human could do that. Which meant…

The man smiled. “I see you’ve figured things out. I am Ai. I am here to answer your prayers.”

Ranmaru frowned. “Great timing you chose. Couldn’t have done something earlier?” At least his mouth worked.

Ai cocked his head, unnaturally still otherwise. “Shouldn’t you be grateful? Not everyone gets to see a god in the flesh.” 

Ranmaru scoffed. Ai smiled. “I guess it’s to be expected. You never were one to give the gods their due.” He sighed. “But despite that, or perhaps because of it, you intrigue me. I have come with a deal for you.”

Ranmaru stayed silent, staring at the figure before him. 

Ai smiled again. “The deal is this. You want Reiji to find some peace in the afterlife, and some sort of recognition for his acts. I can accomplish this by placing him in the stars to watch over the world. Whenever people look up at night, they will see Reiji, and his spirit will not be trapped with the untold masses in the underworld.” The god paused and walked toward Ranmaru. “This is a simple act for me, especially since Reiji more than paid the price I originally asked of him. Really, he could have stopped long before this, but…” he trailed off and shrugged. “Such is life.” The god crouched in front of Ranmaru, still immobile against his cupboard. “It is a simple act...however. Since it is you who asks, there is a price. Will you pay it?”

Ranmaru grimaced. “Not even going to tell me what it is before I decide, huh?”

Ai smiled unpleasantly. “Would it matter?”

“....No.” He’d do anything.

“Good. Then, the price.” Ai placed a hand over Ranmaru’s right eye. “I will take your eye. Your vision will be impaired, but others’ will be clear. They will see Reiji in the same light you did, with the proper respect.” The god smiled unnaturally. “Who knows? Perhaps in time Reiji will become a god himself. After all, becoming a god takes belief before all else.”

As he spoke, Ranmaru grimaced again. Taking his eye…it would be difficult to work, he might have to find another way to make a living. And it would be painful, of course….

Ai pouted slightly. “Don’t worry. I’m not entirely without pity, I’ll put you to sleep before I take it, and close the wound as best I can. You won’t bleed out, at least. And besides, you’ve already agreed to it.” 

“Fine,” Ranmaru said. “Just do it. And keep your end of the bargain.”

Ai smiled thinly and snapped his fingers. “Always,” is the last thing Ranmaru heard before sleep overtook him.

***

Ranmaru woke in the morning, his eye gone as Ai promised. That night, looking up at the stars, he found Reiji among them. At least Ai had kept his word. 

In the weeks after, he threw himself back into his work, pushing as long as he could, still unable to deal with Reiji’s memory. However, he began to make small prayers each day at the shrine Reiji had created in their home. (It would never just be his home again.) It felt right, a way to honor Reiji, even if he didn’t think Ai deserved it.

In the months after, his health declined. He punished himself with work, but people were afraid to buy from him because of his association with Reiji. His food stores grew smaller and smaller, and his tears grew larger and more frustrated. 

A year after Reiji’s death, frustrated again by no sales and no food, he went to bed early. Thankfully, he slipped into unconsciousness soon after he closed his eyes.

***

Ai noticed the life glimmer softly out of existence. He hummed to himself. “He lasted longer than I thought.” Precisely, he made a complicated gesture, then held the life in his palm. It glowed softly. Ai considered it for a moment, then gently moved his hand up, the life disappearing. He returned to his work, thinking no more of the issue.

In the sky, where one figure had had its hand outstretched, there were now two, hands intertwined. 

If you looked closely, it almost seemed the two figures were smiling. But that was probably just a trick of the light. 

After all, when did you know Ranmaru to truly smile?


End file.
